Sunday, November 9, 2008
Posted at 12:57 AM

I think I might be in denial of the fact that I might be in denial right now.

Argh. I hope I'm not. Cos if I am, I think it will be quite bad when reality really and finally hits me then; if it hasn't already hit me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Because at this point in time, I'm confusing myself with my actions and reactions. I don't really know what I'm feeling exactly and why I'm feeling this myriad of emotions.

If people around me get irritated or pissed cos they do not understand me now, I don't blame them. Cos frankly speaking, I'm having a really hard time figuring myself out too. And that's just sad, don't you think?

But I will get over this, and this will be yet another phase that I go through in my life.
However, I am choosing to not get over and forget the reason why this happened in the first place.

Cos I think it was beautiful, somehow. Despite the apparent unease and disconcertion that it's causing me right now... This has certainly taught me so many invaluable things.

And I also realise now that alas, hopes and dreams are just that. Hopes and dreams. They don't mix well with reality.
Yes, I took chances and I took risks when I hoped and dreamed. But it was all in good faith.
And if you ask me if I have any regrets, I'd tell you without an ounce of hesitation that there isn't any regret. At all.

:)

I'm not lost and I'm not running away. Not from you. Not from anyone. Not from reality, either.
I'm still very much here.
Because my life would be devastatingly incomplete if I ran away from all that matters to me.

Oh well...
If you love me, then I love you too.
Haha.