Monday, January 26, 2009
Posted at 5:16 AM
I've been spending a lot of time by myself recently. Haven't really been socialising, cos lately it's not that easy anymore. And I don't think I have the capacity to be all sociable and hyper, and I know I have to be that. I owe it to my mates to not be mopey and lifeless when I'm around them. But seriously, I'm emotionally spent. If I force it, it might go the wrong way. And I do not wish to jeopardise anything in the face of that possibility.

So what have I been up to? Let's see.
I have been spending time with my family. Cos for the past 6 months at least, I neglected them. As much as it hurt to say that, I have to acknowledge it. I missed my siblings, I missed my mum and I missed my dad. I'm finally admitting that I'm a sucker at prioritising..

Well, besides that. I have been busy getting back into fangirl mode. ^^ I forgot how fun it is. And I'm glad I'm back at it. It gives me a certain kind of high. Haha. Nahh.. like I guessed. You wouldn't understand. But it's all fine and dandy. I've long accepted that no one would understand that. You're off the hook!

And then there's the couch, the carpet, the dvd player & recorder and dvds. Loads of dvds. Movies, drama serials, Japanese, Hollywood. You name it. And after 'going thru' the life of these seemingly-fictional-yet-almost-real people, I ask this myself this one question.

Why does the lady/man always get the man/lady?

Which then leads to so many other questions.
How do they know who to fall for? I mean, how does the girl know that the guy loves her in the same way she does, for her to spill her heart out to him and then have him tell her that he does feel the same way she does?
How come they get to fall for the right people for them? How do they find these people?

You can say that well, since it's for teevee and the movies, yeah.. we do need happily-ever-after endings. I know I wouldn't be very happy watching sth that doesn't give me a happy ending.
But thing is, I've seen it happen quite a bit to very normal people around me. Friends, family, friends of friends...It seems so easy for them. I must be doing something not quite right, aren't I?

Oh gosh. I can't believe how pathetic and whiny I am. But who cares. You'd have prolly known that abt me alr.

So anyway, in my bid to feel a wee bit more postive, this thought came to mind. Well, maybe.. Before all these people found the one, they were possibly hurt in love before. Maybe they got rejected once, or twice. Maybe they had been dunped before. Maybe they dumped someone who just wasn't it. Before they finally found the one!

And maybe there will come a time when I will have my perfect, Hollywood kinda falling in love thing. Haha. Who's to know, right?

Sigh.. I don't even know why I'm doing this. It's not as if I'm dying to find the one right now. Heck, I'm not even ready or in any state to be with another person. Not anytime soon. But it's just that the way these shows portray how easy it is and how perfect falling in love can feel, I feel that it's just too saccharine sometimes. Oh well.

Anyways.. with all the time I spend alone, I am finding myself back again. And I now have a certain understanding about what I've been doing all these while. And to put it in a strictly analogical way.. It's like I've been trying to come in first place, but it's somebody else's race. And now that I realise that it might not be my race after all, I don't know if I should give up or if I should just keep at it.

Oh, life wouldn't be fun without some drama, would it? (:

Okay. It's 615am now. I can hear the birds starting their day already. And with that, I think I should end my day. Nite!