Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Posted at 2:22 AM
Suddenly, in the dead of the night/morning... the thought to forget my dreams came across my mind... I thought that maybe I should just shelve it away. And to REALLY forget about it, so that I would not say something like, "Ah, I should have done that..." when I'm much older and such doors of opportunities are not open to me anymore.

I have been toying with my plans since I was in JC.. It was only 3 or 4 yrs ago that I have decided to make that my goal within the next ten years of my life. It was only then that I decided to speak to my parents about it to get their blessings first before I could start getting excited about it. And I got it.

But now... Circumstances seem to be telling me that maybe it's too far-fetched a plan. The situation I am currently in gives me an idea of the kinds of situation me and my family would be in, 5 years down the road. Issues that we might be facing then is going to clash with my plans. Head-on.

I can't say that the contemplation of shelving away my dreams and throwing away a part of my dream is all regretful. It pained me when the thought suddenly struck me earlier. But surprisingly, I felt that maybe I could accept such a turn-around in plans. If I tell myself that it's really ok to not do it, it will be ok. Wouldn't it?

It would be wonderful if I could still carry them out. But judging from how things are looking right now, I'd have to place priority on being a filial daughter and a responsible sister before my own personal interests. Don't get me wrong. My family is still giving me the support. They still are confronting our current situations while considering the fact that my plan would be underway then. They are also accordingly including/excluding me from certain issues.

I can choose to be comfortable with their accommodations for me and my plans. But. I think playing the part of a thoughtful and sensible family member should come first. Ahead of whatever lala~ dreams I may have.

Maybe my sacrifice would bring me more returns in the future?

Who's to know?
Like my mum (and prolly everyone else's mum too) always says, "We can plan, but God decides".
And I believe that whatever He decides for me would be the best for me and my family...