Sunday, May 2, 2010
Posted at 1:01 AM
I started packing up my personal stuff from my room today. Spent the whole day in here, right after I was done with cooking.
It's not that I managed to pack a whole lot of things today. It's just I decided today will be spent packing the stuff that will be put in the storage warehouse, which means that I won't be bringing them with me to the rental place. Which also means that I will only see them next, next year.

So these are all the less important stuff. The stuff that I don't need every single day. Things like school yearbooks, gifts and presents, birthday cards, letters and notes and of course, pictures. I realised that I have been keeping birthday cards, Hari Raya cards addressed to me since I was 12! As I kept them away, not throwing them away, for the umpteenth time, I wonder till when I could keep this up. Do these things still have its meaning? Words said in the past, promises made years ago, are they still being protected? Do the senders of those pretty words still mean they said? Do they even remember sending those words to me?

I don't know. Someday, I might throw them away, Just not yet, for now.

As I spent time looking through my stuff, I saw lots of letters, and notes too. Some I read, some I did not want to. Because I could not bring myself to. Why? Cos I already know, and am almost certain that those words really do not mean anything anymore. Then why didn't I throw them away? Not sure myself. Maybe I might gather up enough courage to read them again in the future. Maybe then, I can smile about it...

I also read through my diaries dating back to the year 2000. Reminisced the fun I had in school, smiled at my many many crushes. Lol. Cringed at my angry entries. Hehe.

Then I looked through pictures I have printed. And then spent even more time looking back on beautiful moments that I shared with friends. Reminiscing those warm yet really fun times. Trying my best to not remember the painful moments.

So as I smiled to myself, laughed to myself and also cried by myself in my room today as I packed away my things, I realised something.
Throughout the bulk of my life, there has been a few constants. There are a couple of special people, I should say, friends, that have stuck with me throughout every single significant phase of my life.

As my possessions reflected different periods of time in my life, and as they depicted the people who came and went in the different times of my life, my best friends were the ones who were always in all my pictures.
They were the ones who were always mentioned in my diaries, they were the ones, whose names were consistently signed off with their very own handwriting, at the end of every birthday card I received.
And the best thing about these special people was that they were the ones that did not make beautiful promises with me, they were the ones that did not even need to constantly tell me they love me. They are the ones that did not use pretty words to win my heart.

And likewise, neither did I. Neither did I have to.

I have also made beautiful promises and pledges with people to whom I am not even talking to at this moment. Some, I have even lost contact with many years ago. I have also said pretty things to these people so that they would like me and love me.

But where did that bring us? Nowhere.
But what it leaves us is just memories.
Memories that break your heart, just like it first did when you knew you were breaking that initial promise.
Memories that I hope one day, will bring to my face a smile and a warm feeling, instead of hot tears that knows no restraint.

So to my 2 best friends that have always been with me one way or another, I love you! ♥